Anchored in I AM

There’s something about not having an intentional job that makes me feel unproductive, unsuccessful, like a runaway balloon with no destination.  I am currently substituting.  I love that I have more time and energy to write and explore what I want to do with myself.  This time of my life is definitely allowing me to discover who I AM in more profound ways, and to spend time taking care of myself.  I am eating healthier, resting more, spending a lot of time in nature, meditating, and celebrating all the little things in my life.  At the same time, I am feeling quite unanchored.  I’m just moving from one classroom to another, not knowing what I’ll be teaching until the day of the assignment.  I’m with students, but I don’t get to build long-term relationships with them.  There are no long-term goals or projects to fulfill at work, and though that forces me to recognize and live in the moment, there is a part of me that feels uncomfortable with that.

Yesterday was the first time I substituted at Hoover High School after deciding to step away from teaching.  It was more nostalgic than I thought it would be; after all that is where my career as a teacher began.  Both the school and teaching have been such a huge part of my life and my identity.  It all came full circle – going back to Hoover as I say goodbye to teaching and transition into a new stage of my life.   So many memories in that place – so many long-lasting friendships that transformed me and shaped me the way the concentric circles of a tree help to shape its growth.

I’m finding myself opening up more and more to what the universe brings me; living in the moment will do that to you.  So much of our identity is wrapped up in what we do, and I know that is part of why I’m feeling such a sense of loss.  I am grieving for something that had become an aspect of my identity, and part of the grieving process is to understand that I am more than the teaching profession that was a part of me.  I have to learn that I am my heart and my soul.

I am a teacher at heart, so that means I am a teacher anywhere I go, and no matter what I do.  Once I can see that I AM, despite what I do or not do, I will feel anchored again.



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